Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
