I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
just found out that she named her cat after me.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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