Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize