If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
