Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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