Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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