so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
