Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
