please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
