only if we run a train.
done.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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