I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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