i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
