"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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