i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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