i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize
