I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
