hotel room ftw
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
