oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
