i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
3pm strippers are depressing
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
