these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
3 2 1 whiskey
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
is that a dick in a sweater?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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