This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
