The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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