billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
