please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
