My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
