i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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