i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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