its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
