Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
