it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
