dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
