I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i barfeds in our rink
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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