Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
