I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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