We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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