My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You were trust falling into bushes
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
