So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
