just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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