thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
