Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
