I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
