The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
All the doctor said was why
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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