he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
