I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
