my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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