Non-Jews are for practice
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
