It's like God shit irony all over that family
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
