my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize