I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize