Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize