Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
