she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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