I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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