Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
