it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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