we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
