y did u give ur computer a hand job?
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
