im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
