Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
