I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
not ubering you a puppy
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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