does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
