oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
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