cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
