woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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