Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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