I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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