Your face is a jimmy john
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
