I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
