his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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