i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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