I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
