u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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